Dependence on men can be very risky too early on in new relationships. If you're looking for a man, you probably think of all the advantages when you meet him, such as constant companionship and the luxury of being able to sit back and have someone to look after you and care for you. It is so good to have someone to lean on a little when things are not going so well. But beware of the dangers of losing your independence and expecting a little too much too soon. This can quickly turn your exciting new relationship sour and have dire consequences for your self-esteem and self-confidence.
Early on in a relationship, being with him feels so good. It's tempting to spend all your time together and do the things that he wants to do in order to impress him and help him to see what a great time you'll have together. You want to be with him more than anyone else so you generally make yourself available at his beck and call. After all, you see a great future together and you want to start it right here and now.
As you start to rely on him more and more to fulfill your needs for friendship, companionship and love, you stop seeing family and friends and give up the hobbies that used to fill your time. He becomes the focus of your life, and as the other things get forgotten, your sole source of entertainment.
But dependence on a man to this extent is fraught with danger. As you do less on your own, your personal growth stops and your comfort zone starts to become smaller. This saps your self-esteem and your confidence becomes lower. You feel less fulfilled and, as a consequence, more needy of him. You no longer want to be with other people as you're more comfortable with him.
The situation may start to spiral downwards and the more you depend on him to meet your needs for comfort and security, the worse it becomes. When he's not available you no longer have anything to fill the gap in your life. When he tries to do his own thing you become needy and dissatisfied. You whine if you do not get your own way. Let's face it – you become boring and less attractive – you are no longer the person he met. His attraction for you diminishes and wanes and he wants to spend less time with you. As he tries to distance himself from your company, you probably cling on out of fear of losing your only source of fulfillment and satisfaction. You find yourself in a self-imposed trap.
OK this may sound a bit dramatic, but are you starting to understand? The more you rely on him, the less of a fun person you become and the more you are fearful of losing him. The more needy and obsessive you are, the more he feels the pressure of your demands on his time. The more he fees obliged to meet them, the more he starts to resent you and the less attracted he fees to you. Emotional dependence will always mean that you are fighting a losing battle.
Do not get me wrong, I'm not saying that you should never lean on a man or depend on him for anything. In fact, it is good to do this from time to time as his reaction will give you important clues about how much he cares for you. But when you make a man your whole life and start to depend upon him to meet all your comfort and companionship needs, you are on dodgy ground and it is highly unquestionably that either you or he are going to feel fulfilled in the long-term.
If this is a pattern that you generally find yourself in, where you quickly give up all your friends, hobbies and interests in favor of a new relationship, then you specifically need to take note of this. This is certainly part of the cause of your continued failure to find a lasting relationship.
So what should you do in the future? Know the dangers of dependence on men early on in a new relationship and beware. However, tempting it is, do not give up your life and hobbies for any man. Keep your appointments outside your relationship and do not be tempted to make yourself available to him whenever it suits him. Do not allow him to tire of you early on, take you for granted and quickly lose interest. Maintain your sense of fun, your personality, your friends, hobbies and personal growth and you will keep him interested in and attracted to that wonderful woman that he originally met. Be your own person first and in a relationship second. Retaining your independence will help your relationship to succeed.